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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

SPEAK ENGLISH.



Way to jump on the Celine Dion train at the peak of her popularity, there, St-Hubert. Did they just get around to translating Titanic into French-Canadian?

From some person in the comments, I get that the translation of this commercial into a real language is:




The woman customer: "Excuse me Miss, has someone ever told you..."
Waitress: ..."that I look like Céline? Yes I've been told this many times before; I'm beginning to think it's true. I think it's coz of my hair; maybe my smile; it's true I have the same smile. Anyway it's not because of my voice. Between you and me, if I was the real Céline, I wouldn't be at St-Hubert".

Céline (at next table): "You could be surprised!!"





HA HA HA! It's Celine Dion, the queen mother of all that Bad Adult Contemporary genre! She's at that restaurant.

I will admit, it took me reading through the comments to figure out that the waitress isn't Celine (I'll call her that from now on, we're on a first-name basis, after all). So good casting there, at least. You fooled me, the ignorant young American male who has studied Celine's man-ish features no more than 7 times in my life. Nice work!

Let's say, for argument's sake, that I'm a French Canadian citizen. Qu'est-ce que c'est! And let's say, for further argument's sake, that I have some money, (Monopoly-looking Canada dollars) and I want to spend it on a meal, not on some cystic fibrosis charity like that pompous bitch Celine did. I turn on the CBC, and this commercial comes on. First thing I'll probably think is "Guh, why don't they just speak English!" After that, I hear the Celine doppelganger waitress say that "yes, I'm so vain and extra transparent, and if I were famous, well then I would probably tell this place to go f--k off!" Great advertising.

I really wish Celine would have stood up and yelled "There is hair in my potatoes! I am far too rich to be at this awful dump of a restaurant!" and then as she storms out, "Your hair is awful and you have a hideous smile!" I sure wouldn't be making fun of the commercial if that was how it ended.

Yes, Celine. I would be surprised to see you there. I would be surprised to see you anywhere outside of your damp cave high up in the mountains wherein you feed upon children and kittens for sustenance while you crank out more revolting music. Color me shocked.

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