Oh Hai!

Listen, you guys.

Imagine yourself in this situation: you're sitting on your couch with a friend or three, drinking a Diet 7up and watching midday cable TV. The rerun of Home Improvement you're watching goes to a commercial break. Since you are a cheap bastard, you don't have a DVR, so you're about to have a serious dilemma on your hands. The remote is missing! Shit! The dog must have taken it. The commercials are starting, and you have to watch them, every minute of them. Empire insists you call 800-588-2300 and get some cheap carpet for your ugly apartment. Wilford Brimley is telling you that you might qualify for a thing from Liberty Medical, provided you have di-uh-bee-tus and are on Medicare. Fox News at 6 tonight is featuring a half hour of all the people that died yesterday. The worst part of all of this is that YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT. Sure, you could go to the kitchen and eat some Ritz crackers until you hear Tim Taylor grunting again, but you have friends over, and you don't have enough crackers to go around. You watch the commercials, you make fun of them with your friends, and this social experience makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy inside.

But wait!

The invention and subsequent reduction in cost of the Digital Video Recorder is single-handedly leading to the destruction of this cute little scenario. Now you can watch your stupid rerun episodes of Just Shoot Me and Frasier, and when it hits the commercials, bah-coo bah-COO BAH-COO you zip right through them, and you thank TiVo for saving you from the drivel that modern television calls The 30-second Advertisement.

You might think this is a good thing, cause you hate commercials. They suck. They suck hard. And you're right, they do suck. But for every 10 to 15 thousand abominable attempts at entertaining ads, there is one, maybe two that are good. Don't worry, they're not what this blog is about. We're about the 10 to 15 thousand terrible ones, and pointing out just how terrible they are. Seriously, people spent money, REAL MONEY on these ads. The air time, the cameras, the staff, the writers (WRITERS! Someone sat down and WROTE these things!). These companies are getting away with it, because everyone is fast-forwarding through them without a moment's notice. Well, no more! We're here to show you just what you've been missing. Enjoy, you guys.